Three Kids

At this very moment, blogging is probably the last thing I should be doing.  My house is somewhat clean, but still a very unorganized chaotic mess in most corners.  I have laundry that needs done, bags to be packed, presents to wrap, Primary responsibilities to see to, and in general, just lots to do.  However, I want, and perhaps need, to get some thoughts down.  Having three kids has been tough.  Going into it, I wasn't worried at all.  Two didn't even phase me, so why should another baby change things that much?  Well, I am here to tell ya, it does.  I don't know exactly what it is, but it's definitely harder.  I think it all has to do with the fact that I have a busy church calling right now, Maddi is involved with dance and has homework everyday for school.  Brynnley will be following suit shortly with activities.  My time is being pulled in more and more directions continually.  I feel like I hardly get any time with Maddi now that she is in school all day.  And because I'm just trying desperately to accomplish even just one task during the day, Brynnley is pushed to the side far too often.  I try to keep all things in perspective and remember that this busier "newborn" stage will pass, but some days it all feels so overwhelming and I wonder if I will ever fall into a routine again and be able to manage life.  I don't like not doing things well and I frequently drop the ball right now and fall short of my expectations. 

However, despite my feelings of inadequacy I find moments of pure joy.  I merely have to walk into the line of sight of my baby girl to have her calm down and give me a big smile.  I must be doing something right.  She feels loved and safe with me, her mother.  And I, in return, feel the same around her.  My children still come to me when they hurt themselves, they want to snuggle next to me when they are tired, and lay in my bed when they are sick.  They give me hugs and kisses just because they love me.  My heart is constantly full and the feelings of inadequacy propel me forward, to do a little better each day for them, my children.  I cherish these moments with them and truly am grateful for this little baby that has forced me to slow down and simplify.  Although I am not always good at living that way, I really believe its what I am to learn right now.

As I look at this picture of my girls, my heart overflows with love.  How could I not recognize what a blessing they are in my life, and what a sacred responsibility I have to teach them the ways of the Lord.