The most wonderful sound

Today Ryan, Maddi, and myself were finally able to hear the most wonderful and beautiful sound in the entire world. That of our sweet little baby's heartbeat. Yep! We're prego! I am twelve weeks along and the doc said everything looks good. It has been a long road for us and words cannot express the feelings I have for this little miracle growing inside me. I have been anxiously awating the day I could finally let people know we are expecting, but more than even just telling them about the baby I have wanted to share some lessons I have learned along the way. Now to explain...

It was about 18 months ago that Ryan and I began trying for another baby. After 9 months I went to the doctor with some concerns. From there began the hardest, yet some of the most rewarding, 9 months of my life. I'm not going into details about our journey, but lets just say we kept getting bad news with each month and each new test. We had come to a point where our options were becoming limited and were told it would be difficult to conceive on our own if ever, and then I became pregnant. Shock and gratitude were felt simultaneously...our trial was over. Unfortunately, two weeks later we were faced with another-miscarriage. I only explain this to help you understand how I was feeling at this point in my life. I had no idea if I would ever have another child of my own, and if I did, I had no idea how long it could take. Its really tough even now to describe the wide range of emotions I was feeling at the time. Shortly after this I had a conversation with my mother-in-law that began a powerful changing process in me, although I didn't know it at the time. She was excited that I could be pregnant at the same time as two of my other sisters-in-law. I told her not to count on it and she replied by telling me to have a little faith. I came home feeling that she just didn't understand why I couldn't get my hopes us. It was too painful to believe that I would become pregnant again only to be let down one more time.
A couple days later I received a message on Facebook from a close friend with a link to the music video "Dream Big". As I was watching it the scripture came into my mind-"O ye of little faith" It was then that I started to realize that I couldn't just dream about having a baby someday, but I needed to dream big. I needed to dream about having a baby now. Had I lost faith that it could happen? Then, that night I was out with a friend who told me about the nieniedialogues. Its a blog of an LDS woman who was severly burned over her entire body in a plane crash. She's amazing. Well, she has links to "spiritual enlightenments" as she calls them. I had seen them many times through the posts I was reading, but decided to click on one. What came up was no coincidence. A video of President Uchtdorf, entitled the "Infinite Power of Hope" The whole message hit me so strongly and once again I thought "O ye of little faith". It is through these humbling experiences that I began to understand, yet again, the amazing power of the atonement, and the love my Savior has for me. I realized that I had to hope, that I had to have faith. If I didn't become pregnant, or lost another pregnancy it would be difficult, but the Savior would be right there by my side leading me one step at a time. I knew that He had suffered in Gethsemane so that he would understand the pain I was feeling, the loneliness, the despair. He did that so he would know how to help ME! One individual person. He knew exactly what I was going through. I also came across an amazing scripture: Alma 7:11-13 Summarizing it explains that the Spirit knows all things, yet the Savior still suffered "that his bowels may be filled with mercy...that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities."
I realized that I could not live in fear and that I had been trying to protect myself and was telling my Savior that His love was not enough to help me. It was amazing to me how quickly and easily I had fallen into this way of thinking, but how grateful I am that the Lord reminded me of his goodness and the power of hope. I felt such a sense of peace as I continued to move forward. Not long after this we became pregnant again. Nothing in almost 18 months and now twice! I couldn't believe it. For this reason, I truly am grateful for the sweet miracle in me.
I hope my intentions for writing about this are good ones. I don't post to brag about what I learned or to make everyone aware of the trials we had, but to share what has been burning so strongly in my heart these past few months. I received a blessing at one point and was told that through my trials I would be able to help others, and perhaps this is one way to make that possible. I love my Savior so much and know that without him I would have been swallowed up in despair. I also want to thank all my family and wonderful friends for your love and support. I know it was your prayers that helped me through many times. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.